


when the reckoning arrives

by penrosequartz



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Arthur Ketch Needs a Hug, Brainwashing, Canonical Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, Nightmares, One Shot, Resurrection, foundation for a chapter fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 09:22:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20255818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penrosequartz/pseuds/penrosequartz
Summary: He starts to feel something real again when he shoots Mick Davies in the back of the head.





	when the reckoning arrives

**Author's Note:**

> this is me setting up a backstory for a multi-chapter fic i'm hoping to write sometime soon! title from "[heretic pride](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ6O7Jk4MXs)" by the mountain goats.

He starts to feel something real again when he shoots Mick Davies in the back of the head.

It’s not remorse, exactly, or grief, or guilt, or loss; it’s nothing so specific or overwhelming as an identifiable emotion. But it is _ something. _

And that scares him to death.

When Mary asks to see him, when she pulls the gun from him in dreadful desperation, and she doesn’t shoot him, doesn’t even think to... When she forces the barrel under her jaw in earnest, simple pain, and he moves so quickly…

He tells himself it’s because she’s an asset. She’s a tool in the toolbox, a link in the chain, nothing more. He saves her not because he cares about her, but because it is necessary. Whether that is the truth or not is a problem he’ll deal with later.

He wakes up from a nightmare the morning before Mary drops off the grid. She’s there, in his dream - not in pain, not screaming or crying, but empty. A shell. He tries to erase the image of her blank expression, of Dean’s confused eyes, even the memories of Toni that are threatening to break him from the inside out. To watch Mary being programmed like that, not only realising that this is what has been done to him over the years, but to sit back and watch someone else be stripped of themselves and replaced, brick by brick… 

Mick is in his dream, too. He’s sitting in a chair at a desk (in the American bunker, Arthur thinks), and he watches himself in third person come up behind the man, wrap his arms around Mick’s shoulders, and rest his chin on Mick’s head. It’s warm, without violence or hate, and it feels so natural to see himself there, holding someone - holding Mick.

He’s never seen the man look so… content. He’s never seen _ himself _look so content.

Then he watches himself take a tighter hold, and snap Mick Davies’ neck.

When he wakes up, he’s not crying. But his hands are shaking.

* * *

When he goes to find Mary, he’s reasonably confident that he’ll be coming back in one piece. A part of him, though, doesn’t really want to. He gets Mick’s body out of the complex before anyone catches him, and he stashes it away, plants magic on it to keep everything intact, in case he’s gone too long. He guards the place with more warding than a church in Hell.

He doesn’t know why he’s doing it, yet, but he’s sure he’ll figure it out. There must be some logic to this code they’ve got him running. He’s sure he’ll be praised for his foresight when the time comes - they made him, after all, so surely it’s not possible for him to make a mistake.

* * *

Just before Mary Winchester puts a bullet between his eyes, the thoughts running through his head aren’t the ones he expects. Instead of something along the lines of _ “bugger, I’m going to die _ ,” it’s more _ “she’s out!” _

His head is still drumming _ “she’s out, she’s out, she’s out!” _ when he drags himself out of the river.

She’s out, and he died.

He reset.

* * *

He starts to feel something real again when he kisses Mick Davies on the top of his head, and brings him back to life.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it!! drop me a line about ketchvies on [tumblr](https://dep-op-ex-pression.tumblr.com/) if you want


End file.
